We Were Falling in the Dark
by royaltyjunk
Summary: Her mother had told her once that weakness was unbecoming of someone like her. She ought never to show any sign of emotion, other than contempt and superiority. Written for Nagamas 2017.


Summary:

Her mother had told her once that weakness was unbecoming of someone like her. She ought never to show any sign of emotion, other than contempt and superiority. Written for Nagamas 2017.

 _Author's Ideas: More Nagamas goodness!_

 _Hi misshallery! I was your gifter for Nagamas! Sorry this is so late orz_

 _I took up your request for Finn/Lachesis (because of course) with Lachesis in a vulnerable position. I hope you like it!_

 _Also slightly (read: very) inspired by Michael Schulte's "Falling Apart", so go ahead and give that a listen if you feel inclined to_

* * *

We Were Falling in the Dark

* * *

"But Eldie - "

"I understand how you feel about Eldigan," Sigurd cuts her off, "but at this point, we can't do anything. We have no information on his whereabouts, or even if he's alive at this point."

"Sigurd," Deirdre murmurs softly. Sigurd glances up, catches a glance of Lachesis' face - crestfallen and broken, and Sigurd's own face crumbles with guilt.

"I'm sorry, Lachesis. I didn't mean - "

"It's okay, Sigurd," she mumbles, and then stands up. He shares a glance with Deirdre helplessly as she leaves. She ignores their shared sympathy.

She wanders the hall in a daze, trying to pull her thoughts together. Her mother had told her once that weakness was unbecoming of someone like her. She ought never to show any sign of emotion, other than contempt and superiority. Of course, Eldigan had disagreed vehemently, but something about the words her mother had told her always clung to her.

"Lady Lachesis?" An unfamiliar voice breaks into her thoughts. She blinks, and looks up. A knight with blue hair is looking down at her, his hands at his side.

"My apologies. You are…?"

"I am Finn," he introduces himself, bowing deeply. "I am a squire to Lord Quan."

"Ah, Quan's squire?" she smiles at him, though it's forced. "Quan's told me a lot about you. It's nice to finally meet you."

"No, I am simply his squire. Nothing more, nothing less." Finn pauses, and then blinks. "Lady Lachesis…"

"Yes?"

"I… well, you seem to be rather saddened. If I may ask, are you worried about your brother?"

"Of course!" she retorts. "I don't even know why they captured Eldie! They just captured him, without even a word! And I… I don't even know if he's…" she trails off, taking in a deep breath and sighing. "My apologies. I… lost myself in my anger."

"No, it is alright." Finn gives her a gentle smile. "I understand. If you wish to speak to me again, I will make time for you again." With a bow, Finn leaves, and leaves Lachesis staring after him and cursing herself for being so vulnerable, for showing the darkness of weakness.

~ / . / . / ~

The world is sideways and her eyesight is blurry when she opens them. She's leaning against Eldigan's casket, her head resting on the lid.

It's been a few days since they had arrived in Sailane and found, gruesomely, the rest of Eldigan's body. She had spent the rest of the day carefully preparing the casket, and finally had laid his body and his head to rest among the flowers of the casket before slamming it shut. Then, she'd spent the night lying by his casket, her body pressed against the cold metal.

She sits up. A soft cotton blanket falls from her shoulders. She blinks, grasping blindly for it.

"This…"

She hadn't brought it here. All she'd done was curl up against the casket and hope that the cold metal would keep her warm.

"You're awake," a voice murmurs. A gentle set of hands drapes the soft blanket over her shoulders.

"Finn…?"

His calloused hand rests gently on her forehead. "Be careful," he warns. "You're still a little under the weather."

"What…?"

"Your temperature spiked in the middle of the evening, but Ethlyn refused to move you. It would've been disrespectful to your wishes, so I stayed here."

"I… I'm sorry," she blurts out suddenly, and Finn looks at her strangely.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I… I made you take care of me."

"Lachesis, it is fine to be vulnerable. Everyone is weak."

"But…" she whispers. "I - " she cuts herself off with a gentle sob, holding a hand over her mouth. "I couldn't even protect my own brother…! The person I cared for…! And now…"

"Are you scared?" he asks, so gently. She just nods. "Don't be. We're all here, Lachesis. Listen to your heart. What is your heart saying?"

With trembling hands, she leans against his chest. He rests a hand on the small of her back, and then strokes her hair soothingly as she sobs, with no end in sight.

She'd already fallen for him, and yet when did she realize it? Now, in the moment she was weak, despising herself, and mourning the fall of the lionheart she had loved.

~ / . / . / ~

The day is cold. Every day is cold. It's Silesse.

With a huff, she runs a hand through her hair and hums softly, trying to calm Diarmuid into sleep. The baby had quieted a long time ago, and yet refused to sleep, instead staring up at Lachesis with round brown eyes and an innocent smile.

The door to the room opens. She looks up, and smiles tiredly when she meets Finn's gaze.

"I thought you were in here," he murmurs, and slips into the room.

"Where else would I be?" she asks jokingly, but the dull tone of her voice doesn't make it sound like one. Diarmuid stretches his pudgy arms out at the sight of his father, and Finn smiles softly.

"I'll take him," Finn murmurs.

"...You're a better parent than I am," Lachesis comments. Finn shakes his head.

"It's not a competition," he responds. "We are both still learning, after all." He rocks Diarmuid in his arms gently, and the infant coos in response. Finn gazes at his son for a moment, and then looks up at Lachesis. "I… I wanted to talk to you about something."

Lachesis tilts her head, and Finn sighs.

"I am leaving for Leonster soon, with Lord Quan and Lady Ethlyn."

She freezes, and then looks up at him. She's trembling already. "What…?"

"Lord Quan must return to Leonster, as part of his duty as the crown prince. As his squire… I must go with him."

"But Diarmuid…" Lachesis trails off. She knows there's nothing she do to stop him. Softly, she sits down on the edge of the bed. Finn lays Diarmuid into his crib and moves to sit beside her.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs as she rubs her eyes, vainly trying to wipe away the tears she knows are going to come. "I know you have duties. I just wish…"

Finn just offers a hand out to her. She falls into his arms, leaning against him.

She closes her eyes, and takes in a deep breath. It'll be fine, she tries to tell herself. Yet there's something in her, somewhere in her, telling her not to show her weaknesses. They'll be used against her; they'll take advantage of her, and then she'll fall and never come back up again.

But it'll be fine, won't it? If she falls, Finn will catch her.

Won't he?

~ / . / . / ~

Finn blinks in surprise, and then in disbelief. She doesn't blame him.

"Don't look at me like I'm a ghost," she says. Her voice has a rasp in it that she never noticed. Finn seems taken aback, although if he really is, he doesn't show it.

"Lachesis," he murmurs. "Why are you here?"

"Ares," is her only response. If Finn is curious, he doesn't push her. He just nods mindlessly.

"I thought you had died," he comments bluntly. Lachesis purses her lips, and says the words unflinchingly.

"Many did. I didn't." Her voice begins to waver. "I never thought I'd see you again."

"What… happened?" Finn questions, and for the first time, his eyes grow with the dim glow of concern.

Lachesis explains. Explains about Lord Langbalt and Lord Reptor, about the Yied Massacre, about Sigurd's last moments, about the meteors that came crashing down on them all, and then the ashes and the dead bodies, and how what she thought was the end of the war became the beginning of everything dark and horrid.

"...I'm sorry," he says softly when she's finished. His stiff posture begins to relax. Tentatively, he reaches a hand out to Lachesis, in a silent gesture of comfort. Lachesis takes it, and stares into his eyes.

There's darkness - but it's not the bad darkness. It's his darkness; his mourning, his grief, everything he's been through.

And as if they share one mind, the darkness she's staring at becomes the tiniest bit brighter.

~ / . / . / ~

"I can't stay anymore," she says one day, when the children have been tucked in and the whole village of Fiana is quiet.

"What do you mean?" Finn asks, and in that moment she feels as if the Finn from six years ago is back. His eyes are wide, fingers trembling from surprise.

They've been in Fiana for moons uncountable, where the children have been raised, and become accustomed to life in the isolated village. Yet, there's always been something scratching in the back of Lachesis's mind, and without even thinking, she begins to talk and blab and ramble.

"Diarmuid," she whispers, clenching her fist. "I left Diarmuid in Isaach, with Aideen." She looks to the side, gritting her teeth. "I'm… a horrible mother. How long has it been since I last saw him? I don't know. He must have grown so much… I…"

When Finn wraps his arms around her, she breaks into sobs.

"I miss him… but I don't want to leave you… with Nanna and Leif…"

"Go," he whispers in her ear. "If it means our son's safety… then go. Just promise me you'll keep him safe… and that you'll stay safe."

"But Finn - "

"Your heart," he says, and his voice cracks. "What is your heart saying?"

When had he last said those words? She doesn't know, and she feels that he doesn't either.

"...Then I'll go," she answers back, with a soft voice. "And I promise I'll see you again. That I'll keep our son safe, and that I'll stay safe."

"I love you, Lachesis," he breathes.

"I love you too," she replies, and then begins to cry. Finn just holds her tighter as she sobs harder and harder.

She's vulnerable. But it's fine. Finn is here. It'll all be fine. She's falling deeper in the darkness. But it's fine.

Finn is here.


End file.
